It’s Your Birthday

It’s your birthday

Sometimes I think about you

Not much, just wondering what part of you is real

And what part I made up

I do wish you well

I hope you’ve found God, or at least something you are content with

Until you’ve found the real thing

How many times did I pray for you?

Most of my prayers were pathetic and focused on me

But I keep coming back to the fact that I really did care

I really did want to help

I really did want what was best for both of us

And I could never quite convince myself

That the best was us together

Because of course it wasn’t

Everyone else could see that

Still we tried really hard. I tried really hard

Maybe it was just a game to you

In all the crap we brought to the table

There was something beautiful in there too

My dreams hold on to that glimmer

Even if I can’t believe them awake

I wish you well on your birthday

I can’t quite not believe in you and all that golden potential

It was only the part with me that I doubted

I hope you’ve worked through childhood trauma

that seems to be a well-played note in my life

I hope it isn’t all about money and pleasure

Although sometimes I feel trapped on that same boat

Middle age seems so dull compared to earlier memories

Where it felt so real and urgent and close enough to grab

Now we are just tired all the time

I became just like everyone else

I am guessing so did you

It’s quite exhausting trying to hold out and be and do something different

In the end I was really proud of being different for so long

Pride is just as ugly as lazy

I turned out to be not so different after all

It turns out neither of us was extraordinary

My, we were so brash to think we were

But we did have some extraordinary moments

That was something beautiful

Even if the rest of us was a mess