A Tribute to Lillian
Lillian and I with two Brazilian friends:)
When we left Brazil I quickly saw there were two groups of people:
Those who were looking at how our leaving would affect them and
Those who were looking at how our leaving would affect us
I was so blessed by the second group, and often gratefully surprised by who was in that group. And the first group was honestly just exhausting, because we had to work so hard to help them overcome all that they were going to be missing- when really- we needed to be able to focus on transitioning well for ourselves.
It really showed me how much I want to be in group number two to support others- but also how much I often fall into group number one.
My dear cousin Lillian has died. She invested heavily in my life, and I am truly not the same because of her.
When I was 6 I was drawing a picture of the world. I couldn’t get Africa to look right, and was so frustrated. Lillian called up and asked my mom if she could talk to me. I don’t remember what she said, but it was something about “It doesn’t have to be perfect.” Simple words, but they powerfully hit me and released all that frustration and expectation I had on myself. After that time, it was like I had truly internalized the message “You don’t have to be perfect.”
Lillian was one of the first people to take me seriously as a missionary. Her financial support was from day one, when many people were still wondering if Brazil was just a fling for me. She not only put her money where her mouth was, but set up a round of visits- my first ever as a missionary- to churches and places and rotary clubs- anywhere she was connected to- to have me speak and share. She was the first person to come and visit me in Brazil and say “Rachel, you are doing an incredible job. I’ve been around to many missionaries, and what you are doing is important and valuable and successful.” She also took me to the Amazon for an amazing trip.
She was braver than I and went swimming in the Amazon river!
Lillian was also the first person to write me after we announced we would be returning to the USA, offering up her home furnature/possessions to us. She gave us all of her kitchen, living room, bathroom, office, and more. She said it would be her honor to know her things would be well used. She calmed my fears of restarting a family with only 8 suitcases with her gratefulness of being able to give.
When I saw her last November, we could only touch the window outside her room (and manage 10 minutes in the cold) because of covid- but she sang “You are my sunshine” and we made the best of it.
These past weeks I’ve been slowly reading her book “Help, I can’t feel my legs!” And been blessed by it’s simple truths. I struggle with being in group number one because losing her is losing so much support and love. My youngest daughter never even got to meet her.
But today I cross her name off of my prayer list and realize- now Lillian is walking, no, running! She is healed and restored as we’ve prayed for these past two and some years. These are not empty words to calm my heart- I am truly happy for her. She’s now with the love of her life.
I am working towards moving to group two, and knowing that this is the best move and transition for her, even if it is hard on us. God bless you, Lillian! We don’t wish you well-we know you are well. And we are grateful.
