A Warning

When I was in Brazil I liked a boy. Someone I trusted met him and afterward told me, “There is something ‘off’ about him- I just have this feeling.” I didn’t get it. I thought this person’s words were odd, but I was careful and this boy and I soon grew apart naturally. I tucked this information away in my brain. It had been a warning. I was grateful to this person for telling me what they’d thought, even if I didn’t really know why.

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I grew up in a spectrum: my mom being farther on one end, toward what I would call “Charismatic Christianity,” while my father was pretty squarely on the other end. His words would be “touchy feely,” or “woo,woo kind of things.” I felt myself kind of in the middle. I saw a lot of beauty and curiosity towards the charismatic, but felt like I was on the outside looking in.

Which is why it surprised me to have such a charismatic experience when I was 16, leaning over the bathroom sink, and felt God clearly say “Brazil is Yours.” That was not normal for me. I’ve always been extra careful in labeling something spiritual, or demonic. Growing up in the era of Pat Robertson helped (see meme below).

"There could be demons attached to your thrift store finds"

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I am reading through Ezekiel. He seems to be squarely between Isaiah (Hell yeah judgement!) and Jeremiah (Please don’t make me say it). He is pretty quietly resigned to the weird (yes, sometimes very weird) things God has him do and say. He talks about the watchman who must warn at the peril of his own soul. And once he warns the people, he is absolved of his responsibility. Take from this what you will. Once I have shared this warning, I will let it rest.

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In 2019/2020, I am not sure when, I watched a news segment, I am not sure about what. I was in Brazil, trying to make sense of American politics (which seems to be even tricker to do from afar). While I don’t remember the specifics, I do remember how I felt. I remember feeling horror and dread and not being sure why. My body got all hot and cold and sweaty. I listened to the news segment again, trying to figure out my confused feelings, and I felt a clear spiritual gut check: “This is not a good man.”

Would I say the Holy Spirit spoke to me? If I was more charismatic I would. Can I explain why? Do I have all my facts lined up to prove why? No. But I can say that this feeling, or whatever you want to call it, has stuck with me. I have stayed away from this person, because I know that for me, it is not a good or healthy thing to be near them. I do feel the need to be faithful with this warning: my spirit feels troubled in a deep way when I hear Tucker Carlson speak.

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Now I’ve said it, and it and it sounds pretty “woo,woo.” And that’s ok.