Interviewing Anna

In college, I did an interview with Anna where I had to type up 20 minutes (9 pages) of conversation. Highlights include:

Client (Anna): “You have to look at the camera.”

Helper (Rachel) : “I don’t have to look at the camera.”

Client: “You told me I had to.”

Helper: “Ok I have to type everything you say. I have to type everything you say for the next twenty minutes. Don’t say any of those things.”

Client: “Haha. Oh! Ok.”

Helper: “I have to type everything you say for the next twenty minutes.”

Client: “Let’s start over. Alright, let’s go.”

Helper: “So you have been married six months now, and how has it been?”

Client: “Um, Well, actually, I have always been a firm believer in you don’t get married until you are about 30 years old or something like that. Still people ask me to this day, and I say, “30 years old.” I mean, I haven’t changed my mind, you know, and so that was really weird having that, just um, how that happened. I did not get pregnant, that is not why we got married. So I guess we got married because um, we had went to Chicago, and we were going to travel everywhere, and hitchhike and have adventures, and he was, I guess, the first person who like you know, male or female, who actually dropped everything, you know, and I said “I am leaving and I would like it if you would come but it is completely up to you.” And he sold his truck and came. But um, so I guess, looking back that is probably why I married him because so we could have all these adventures together and all that stuff, and he married me because I am enthusiastic and I am exciting and I listen to him you know, I am a lot different than he is. So.”

Helper: “So you didn’t get married for the “normal reasons,” as you would say, you are saying instead that so basically the reason you got married was he was the first one that really went with you in your dream. And so you would say the reason he married you would be…”

Client: “Because um, I guess He was closer to me than anyone else. We just had something really, really special in Chicago, I can remember he was proposing to me I was almost said no and I was freaking out and I was shaking and it wasn’t so fun. But hahhm. And at the beach it all made sense, and it was just great and I called you right actually right afterwards I was like “I have to call Rachel I am so excited.” It was like the first time we had ever really talked about it. I don’t know it just really made sense. We wanted to go to all these same places and why not get married. If we want too…It really made sense, if you already know you are going to spend the rest of your life together having adventures, not being traditional and such, being, I don’t want a traditional marriage. And we said we were not going to have a traditional marriage and then I found out that he liked that, he wants…”

Helper: “The traditional marriage?”

Client: “He wants the whole wife/ husband, I don’t want to change my last name, but I know he would like it if I did. He got annoyed with my crazy loud wild side. Just there was lots of little things that would never bother him before he would just get really upset and I would just like “what the…who is this?” You know?” We still want to do traveling and all that, I know there is part of him in it. He just doesn’t really like…(Pause). Shoot.”

Helper: “Well What? What do you think he does like?”

Client: “He likes me. He likes me a lot and I know he loves me more than like anything else. And sometimes I don’t know what to do about that because my love kinda sucks because he just like loves me so much more than I love him because just I don’t love anybody as much as you possibly love me. But he um, he…he read this book, he got really into this book and one of the things he heard was to not take all these emotions personally, you know?”

Helper: “Oh that is important.”

Client: “You know, listen to them (the emotions)…I never would have been like “read this book” you know. I don’t like marriage books. but he was the one that got it so I was like “pppphh, nerd” and so he read this and started, you know, listening and being nice when I was angry And I was like “Why are you hugging me and being nice when I am a jerk—I don’t understand.” And so for me, a big thing is…like how have I changed—let me think…one thing is compromising and another thing is letting him be the man I guess which, which is really hard because it seems like it is hard for him to take that and just go with that, you know. One of the things that was big with him, we always had this big confrontation on saving money because he likes spending money and he likes getting me stuff, real nice stuff, but I mean, huh, “How we are supposed to do anything?” So just giving that up and letting him take care of the money, which I have kinda done and kinda not but I said I would and that helped him.”

Helper: “So you have come up against a lot of struggles and things that actually come up in uh, marriage. What do you see, where do you see things heading from here? Like um, like you going to school, you mentioned that, but the staying here but not traveling—travel hopefully being as a future ambition?”

Client: “Well, it depends on how often I snap I guess, because I do that a lot and I am always worried that I will snap worse, you know. Like, you know…I just don’t like living in thick society. What I always wanted was to travel and not have a home ever, you know, to come back to my parents. I love my family but…he likes having his own place, you know? So I guess where I see ourselves, us going is…ahhh…it’s difficult because now he wants to have a family. I think that I see us—best scenario would be if we got involved in something we were both interested in, either in music, volunteering…a mutual outlet of some sort. You know, just having more than the traditional stay home and party sometimes or watch movies.”