Listen to What Breaks Your Heart (part 1)

I often find myself grieving for a while before I realize it. It is hard for me to take the time to listen to what breaks my heart: I just live in a state of broken-heartedness. The first thing I really remember breaking my heart is the pain and hardship of poverty—and the above quote is true: that has been a major part of what I feel is my purpose or calling in life.

There are many things that break my heart. In August when I realized that my kids in the Living Stones program in Brazil would not be able to go to school all year, I was mopey and grumpy for awhile before I sat down and named it: “I am grieving because of so much education and opportunity lost for my kids with Living Stones. This is a horrible loss and deserves to be grieved. Many of us have had a lot of losses this year—and just because other people have bigger losses, doesn’t mean we don’t feel them.

Last year I noticed something new breaking my heart: seeing grandparents playing with their grandkids. Down the street from us was a family, like many families in Brazil, that included the grandparents. Since they didn’t have air conditioning, it was common to see them sitting in a rocker the shade in front of their home, a grandbaby sprawled across them, wearing only a diaper. This scene made me cry—literally cry—without knowing why. I took time to think and pray about it and realized I was grieving the great cost of missionary life away from family. This opened up a lot of soul searching and questions and honesty to myself that I didn’t allow before.

Listen to what breaks your heart, and cast it to the feet of Jesus.