So Close to Tears (Pandemic Poetry)

I live so close to tears

In this covid-19 pandemic space of life

I cry when it rains

I cry when I read books

I cry when my daughter says something thoughtful

I cry when I pray

I cry when I sit in silence

Not big drops of tears

No sobs or wails escape

Just a little bubble up of extra emotion

Never far from the surface

It is a curious space to live in

Not living in a where

But living in a when

It sits in the middle of what

I always thought life looked like

And tore down all my old walls

My ever-close tears

Hold me

Confuse me

I’ve learned to go on with them

Or sometimes stop to validate them

In my privilege

This has been a time of rest

In my rest I have found

So many moments of snuggles and true, true happiness

I’ve been able to recognize

What works and what doesn’t

In a quite life

In a restful life

And my tears return in my happiness

And thankfulness

In my almost guilty pleasure of pandemics

That wreck havoc on most of the world

I cannot stay for long in my blissful revery

As I reconnect with the rest of my community

Who mourns

And I am called to mourn with them

It is such a curious in between

This covid-19

Like connecting airports before you arrive to your destination

A world not quite your own

As you are hit with all the culture shock

Of learning a new way of doing life

Living in the when

Instead of the where